Building Bridges
The Happiness Habit, when you’re weary, feeling small when tears are in your eyes, I’ll dry them all…
I’m on your side, oh, when times get rough and friends just can’t be found like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down when you’re down and out, when you’re on the street.
When evening falls so hard I will comfort you (ooh) I’ll take your part, oh, when darkness comes and pain is all around like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down
(brief instrumental interlude. Hit it Rel…Trevor…!)
Sail on silver girl sail on by your time has come to shine all your dreams are on their way see how they shine oh, if you need a friend I’m sailing right behind like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind
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Have you ever been weary, feelin’ small….?
Been down an’ out, seen rough times an’ all…? Tough stuff, especially when friends just can’t be found.
Feels really baaaddd. You know that being weary, feeling small an’ all is.. the very thing, which if you continue to focus on is just going to bring more of that unwanted same into your life.
Negativity– especially when focused on or brought up again and again– absolutely gets more negativity.
Well, if you’ve got Simon and Garfunkel sailing right behind, you’re near a done deal. Your time to shine is coming soon. Your dreams ARE on the way.
But if you’re not a “silver girl,” and you don’t have Art and Paul to ease your mind– or worse yet, you can’t find the CD (probably lent it to one of those friends you can’t find now:-), what do you do then? Build your own bridge Over Troubled Waters.
It’s been said that if you can create good, positive feelings and hold on to them for 17 seconds you will delete that entire negative episode from the minutes of the last meeting of your life. It’s also been said that if you can keep that “inner action” up consistently for 21 days you can make a habit of it.
(You can argue with either of those seconds and days, but why bother. I mean, what if they’re right?
What have you got to lose, ‘cept maybe feeling weary an’ small, down and out an’ all….:-)
So. Here’s how you Build Your Bridge. (And please, at the start, DON’T go changing this process. It works. It’s proven. It’s not broken and if you are compelled to “fix” it anyway, realize that’s your stuff and it’s getting in the way of your having the positive, literally life-changing results you’re after:-)
Step One. RELAX. (No kidding!) The best way to do this is by breathing in a specific way– one which for many of you will be very different from what you normally and unconsciously do.
Most people think of the breathing cycle as an inhale followed by an exhale, yet there are many physical and spiritual disciplines that see it the opposite way:
Exhale first, then Inhale. The Exhale, they say, is where the Action is. The Inhale is the “passive” result. So here’s what you do: Find a VERY quiet place and space where you will not be interrupted. Sit in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, back straight.
Put down anything you’re holding and take everything off your lap. Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing. (If you have any thoughts and feelings, let them be as they are and simply focus on your breathing.)
Exhale first, from low down in your torso just below where your navel is. Do this deliberately, deeply and slowly, and encourage– but DO NOT PUSH with any stress or strong effort– all the breath to go out of your body. Just empty yourself.
Notice that your Inhale happens automatically and naturally. Let it. At the “top” of the Inhale, once again “encourage” your out-breath by gently squeezing the air from your body, and again, feel that from the area of your lower abdomen.
Do this for a minute or three, until you feel Relaxed, Calm and Peaceful.
Now…
Step Two. IMAGINE.
Use your Imagination and Recall a Special Occasion from your past. This moment can be ordinary or extraordinary and it MUST fit the following criteria:
You are expressing and experiencing JOY! You are as HAPPY as you have ever been! You are COMPLETE, nothing is missing. And nothing is wrong: No doubts, no worry, no unconquered fears of any kind are present.
You are going for a “sound bite,” a short “snippet” of time like a radio “spot” just 20 seconds long. Can it be longer? Yes, but…. Not so long as to permit any negative thoughts or emotions to creep up or in. 20 seconds is all you need.
There’s nothing to be gained by having your bridge be any longer than that. There is Everything to be gained by having a simple, yet powerful 20 second bridge you can bring up Instantly, Effortlessly, Clearly each and every time you need to or want to.
Some examples of bridges:
The first time you rode a bicycle all by yourself AND you were fully confident, in control and F’ree! (If there was fear in this example for you, you had conquered it completely and having done that was also part of the thrill! Remember, no negatives allowed.)
See yourself Receiving Acknowledgement and Recognition (with the enthusiastic applause or sincere gratitude of people who truly mattered to you). Winning an award, a race, a contest or a competition.
Crossing the finish line. Any moment of Proud Achievement or Accomplishment. Tears of Joy. Loving and/or being Loved.
A moment of Ecstasy or Euphoria….
My own current favorite is being in bed in the morning with Ele’, my four month old daughter. We’re playing her very first “game” together. I’m leaning over her and brushing my (now very long) hair across her face. She squints and squeals and quickly turns her head away, then comes right back again with her eyes shining so big and deep-blue beautiful and she Laughs and Laughs…. And then we do it again and then again… and I have never, ever felt better or Happier or more Present in My Life!!! Literally, I have tears of Joy….
Now, go Build Your Bridge. Step One and Step Two and when you’ve done that, we’ll talk about what to do with it. (Unless, of course, you already know that:-)
So, when you’re weary, feeling small…. When tears (sad ones, hurt ones) are in your eyes, here’s how you dry them all….
Put your bridge down right over those troubled waters. The instant you recognize you are Thinking and Feeling in a way you Don’t Want– no matter what the circumstance is made of– get out your bridge and lay it down.
Just close your eyes and Imagine Your bridge. bring up the vivid movie of that Special Occasion. Most Important of all Feel those Happy, Positive, Powerful Feelings and Keep Feeling them, right then, right there, for 20 seconds. (You can do the breathing bit, too, but it’s not required, and it will make this simple little process all the more profound and powerful to do so first.)
That’s it. That’s all.
Please don’t complicate matters. This is honestly all you have all to do: Put that bridge right over your Troubled Waters. Change Your Thought and Feeling from Negative to Positive. Lynn Grabhorn (of Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting) calls it “Flip Switching.” I’ve called it Your “bridge” here just ’cause I was listening to the Simon & Garfunkel song when all of this occurred to me…
Call it what you will as long as you Just Do It! Do it once. Do it again. Do it as often as “troubled waters” show up in your Life and Work.
Do it before a phone call or meeting or presentation that’s got you nervous. Do it when you feel mad, sad or scared. Do it when you’re concerned about too much month and not enough money. Do it when your answer to “What, me worry?” is “Yes!”
Any troubled water from a puddle, pool to the big muddy on mad, mean day will do. Just take Your bridge and lay it down.
You WILL Feel better right away. And, yes, you WILL have an opportunity to do it again– maybe even immediately. So fine, do that. And keep doing it as often as you can.
Sooner than later, what will happen is you will be logging more seconds and minutes, then hours and days of Thinking and Feeling Positive, Up-beat and Happy. Just imagine having The Happiness Habit…. What do you suppose Your Life and Work will be like then…?
Smile. I Appreciate You! — John Milton Fogg
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Brought to you by
John and Julieanne
“No Dreamer is Ever Too Small,
No Dream is Ever Too Big.”
